Thursday, April 28, 2011

Songs that reminds me of...

I think it was when I question my first romantic relationship that I asked to have a better understanding of LOVE.
 "take my heart and please don't break it"

Of course a year or so after that I came across Ryan.  He was my first guy friend and I was in my early twenties.  He was the first person that just sat there and listens to my bull shitting.  He had a girlfriend though.  I struggled with that infatuation.
 he introduce me to this band  and this next one is for 15 minutes when he would listen and let me rub his head.

Along came Billy and I let my friendship with Rye become a regret.  Let me just say that Billy was adorable and immature even though he was my first soldier.  I met him after he came back from a tour and yeah I think he had some PSTD and anger issues.  He was part of supplies but yet he had some freaky stories.
 this was our song (yeah can't use it for another, sts) got another that reminds me of Billy

After a year, I was ready to move on from Billy and his flirtatious ways.  (Ok, it takes two to be in and two to wander away from a relationship.)  This is when Adam walked into my gallery and hung a picture.  Oh, how I had forgotten what it was to be in love with all those other boys.
 and  plus 

What number are we at?  I do not know if I should but I will include Michael.  I was heavily inverted and started using the internet again.  I started chatting online which I have not done since I was a teenager (someday maybe I will share that story).  And he was my second soldier and we chatted while he was on deployment.
 it is an endearing song

Okay before I come to an end and enclose my feelings on love, I will share this from my first relationship; his name was Ken (ick) and he sweetly sang this one to me

.Where was I?  I was naïve in love with Kenny but it was Ryan that opened me up to LOVE.  As I typed before, I was infatuated with him. 
My beliefs on how the human emotions infiltrate LOVE:
* Crush: his name was Jeffry and he was so cute; And I also had a crush on his much older brother (not at the same time).  I was in grade school.  I had another crush in more recent years and I knew it, named it, moved on from it.  Ick!  He was a smooth talker but when I saw him for the first time, Ick.
* Infatuation: his name was Chris and he was Jeffry’s older brother and I was crushing on him in which led to infatuation for a long, long, time; I was still in my early twenties dreaming that he would come along.  I learned that infatuation can be either good or bad.  Ok, I will use present “heart” as an example of good, I was infatuated with him (maybe a wee bit lust thrown in) when I first started to hold conversations with him.  Bad infatuations are fruitless.
* Lust: it is not a deadly sin but all out icky.  OH! (it is a deadly sin? And by the way, who has not committed a deadly sin if not all of them?)  I believe if one only has sexual desire for than forget it!  Hence, mine was a wee one.
* Adore: oppose to lust.  It is when one is too endearing to ignore.  I got four; My sister, My Ryebread, My Hangman, and My Adorable Wanker.  The last definitely was nothing but adoration.  He still got my adoration but I cannot claim to still love him.
Now put the infiltrations aside and what do we have love at its true form; No complying; No wanting; simply in the present.  Love is all that Paul shared with the Corinthians and it is also all those things he shared that are not of love.  It is the Golden Rule.  Once the light shined on me, I could no longer deny LOVE.  I am a vessel over flowing with love.  For me, it is in hysterical laughter (wink J), in a smile, in arms drape around a neck, ect.
Hmmm, and what do you have to type?

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